The Trust Fund

The amazing people at PWG where Cindy used to work is going to be setting up a trust fund for little Melissa for when she gets older. If there is anyone who wishes to also contribute to the fund that is going to be set up in January, please email my mother at cupcake@si.rr.com and she will be glad to tell you who to send it to. Just put in the subject line "Regarding Melissa's Trust Fund" so she doesnt delete something she isn't sure of.

Thank you to everyone for the constant prayers, support and friendships that you all gave and are still giving. I don't think I will ever get over what has happened, and for some people, they are using me as a substitute for my sister, and that's ok. Makes me feel like part of Cindy's life and honored as well. I just hope that everyone understands that I'm going to need a little time too.

I'm disabling comments for this post, so if you want to say anything to me just email me at LadySunshin3@gmail.com .

Nicole at PWG sent me an email with a phrase in it today that I'm going to post here... I think that its definitely fitting. Thank you Nicole.

Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our
wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

To the angels...

November 13, 2004; 2:15am Cindy Robin peacefully passed away. She waited for all of us to be there to say goodbye and wrote a note the day before saying that she loved everyone and that she would be good. Both of my parents were there when Cindy drifted out of this world...and I believe that my family greeted her on the other side with open arms.

I told her how much she was loved, how I always looked up to her and I thanked her for always watching out for me, taking care of me and showing me things I didn't know. She believed in me more then I knew. For that I will be forever grateful and to everyone who loved Cindy and always showed her support, love and care, thank you. Thank all of you for being who you are, and always help to keep Cindy's memory alive. She'll be in my heart and with us always. My "Cidny"

Forever,
Sherry Ellen, her sister.

Was hoping for better....

News that is. But I dont have any. I know a lot of people read this journal and rely on me to keep them up to date on what is going on. Well This wont be a sugar coated post so if you do not think you can handle it, now is the time to close the window.

Today wasn't a good day for any of us. Today was my mother's 60th birthday. For any other mother, she might have her husband, and two daughters throwing her a huge birthday party with lots of balloons and candles and smiles. But today wasn't like that at all. Cindy was up all night uncomfortable and didn't get to even sleep today. Her oxygen level kept dropping too low and she was very confused all day long. She would get nose bleeds all day on and off, more on then off though and the blood thinners would make them last for hours.

I gave her a good massage for two hours to try to relax her but it wasn't enough. She has been having constant panic attacks and the doctors tell us unless she can get strong enough for chemotherapy, there is little they can do for her. The Iressa isn't helping. She refuses to eat and I managed to get her to eat a little something today but not nearly enough for a day's nutrition.

I know I should have written this post when my mood wasn't as depressed as it is right now, but I think everyone who is keeping up with this should know how things are. How they are going to be.... and what might be coming down the road ahead of us. I spent the day with my mother and father... and my one sister. I looked at her face today wondering why we never really looked anything alike. But when I spoke, I could hear her.

I think my family needs a miracle...

And another month ends.

Well yesterday was my birthday, yep, I'm a Halloween kid. I went up to the hospital to see Cindy and things went fairly well. She had pnemonia but she is overcoming that and she has a bacterial infection again but that is also going to clear up. The Iressa isn't doing enough for her so they are working on getting her stronger right now to endure traditional Chemotherapy. They informed her that she has to start eating (she didnt eat for seven days) and they are giving her very high doses of vitamins as well. So with a little "tough love" from my mother she ate a little yesterday and had almost a full meal so far today. Its a start.

She also has to start walking around and sitting in chairs. She hasn't been because of the fluid in her lungs but the doctors said since she is sounding a LOT clearer, she can start again. Her legs and arms are so weak from really not using them and sleeping constantly from the tons of medications, that her muscles weakened very badly. Its going to take some time to get them back into some sort of shape. I believe that they are ordering physical therapy for her which should help and with a small break from cancer meds her body might just respond a little better.

They are also having someone come in to investigate why she has no voice. She is down to a very low whisper and she should by all rights have a voice. So this doctor is supposed to be to see her before the day is out. My mother has been sleeping at the hospital and my father has been going there every chance he gets between work. I make a point to get there at least once a week but now that school is finished, I'm going to try to get there a little more. I'm hoping that if she sees all the extra support we're giving her, it'll open her eyes that we are all really pulling for her.

If anyone would like to send get well cards, its Sloan Kettering Memorial Hospital in Manhattan and her room number is 1429. Just look up the address on www.superpages.com. Thats usually what I use.

Well for now thats about all I have to report. She's breathing a little easier and shes starting to eat.... Hopefully this is a good start for her.