Well now you know the beginning. Its been a couple of weeks since then and I'm still not totally at ease with what is going on. My sister had blood clots in her legs and they had to have her in a hospital down in Florida where she lives for almost two weeks while they tried to thin out her blood and they wound up putting "shunts" in her legs to prevent the clots from ever moving upwards and doing any damage to her. We were told she would not be able to fly here to go to Sloan Kettering Hospital which is where she really needs to go because she has lung cancer and she cannot take the compression of an airplane. When I heard that news I was up the entire night. I paced around my empty house with my dog following me and my cat sleeping on my bed soundly where I should have been.
I eventually broke into tears, loudly praying to please help us. I needed a sign that He was going to help us make her well. It was 3:00am at this point as I stood in front of a picture of Cindy and just broke down completely. 9:00am, the phone rings, my mother tells me they are releasing my sister and that she is "okay" to fly, she'll be in NY by the end of the week. I couldn't believe my ears. It was like I got a prayer answered right then and there.
I've been trying my best to keep very busy and not break down too much. I think my friends have NO idea what to say to me. Some of my friends have really been amazing and some have been absolute nightmares. Erik is great for words of encouragement. He doesnt realize just how much he means to me sometimes and the little emails he sends me just to say he is thinking of me and hopes I'm doing ok. They make me smile. Meredith... She has had a daughter with cancer who pulled through and is a survivor. She knows a lot about this disease and has been helping me constantly. She got Sloan Kettering to contact my mother in Florida and calls me on a constant basis to make sure I'm doing ok on this end. Craig. Well theres definitely someone that I will always know I can count on. Craig bought me a plane ticket and even though I am going to change the date on it, I'm going to just go down there and see him for a weekend. He bought it so I can see my sister but that changed when we found she was able to come here. He gets in touch with me every day (He lives in Florida now, used to be NY). He always tells me how special I am to him and how much I am missed. He is very comforting when I need to just talk.
I saved the best for last... Christopher. I have no idea what I would do without Chris in my life right now or ever. He has been my rock for 10 years and now more then ever and at the same time I dont think he even knows just how much. His father is also very ill with cancer and he broke down when he first found out. I of course was the one to make sure I was there for him no matter what the cost. He has been keeping me sane and trying to help me take care of things around here as well. I can't ever find a way to repay him with thank you's. But I hope he knows that he is really dear to me.
I'm nervous about Cindy coming here. We don't always get along and the last thing she needs is me trying to be there when she doesnt want it. I hope its not the case and that she and I can get along well. I'm going to pick her up a big crossword book, since I know her love for them and also a funny pen to use with it. Maybe I'll grab a deck of Uno cards too to help give something to do aside from stare at a television for hours on end. I know that can be terribly boring and Cindy was never really a TV person. She liked it at nights when she lived with my parents but that was really the extent of it.
Please let her get through this, and please give her the strength to fight. It's going to be a bumpy road.
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