A Year Ends...

A year ends...
I just got off the phone with Sherry and we were talking about what a bad year it has been. She is unable to get to a computer right now to make a post so she asked me to put one up for her... and here it is.

No one knows why bad things happen to good people. It's one of the great mysteries in life. I guess ours is not to question. When my father got sick, we were looking for a miracle. When Cindy got sick, we were looking for a miracle. I said this at my father's service in front of all the people who came to pay last respects... and this goes for Cindy as well... we got the miracle. We had it from the day Cindy was born into this world. The miracle we got was not what we were looking for... It was that we were blessed to have Cindy in our lives to begin with. There is no greater gift in this world then to be touched by an angel.

2004 is a year that we will never forget. Sherry lost her sister and I lost my father... and everyone has been profoundly touched by the great sense of loss. Here is the thing that we all need to keep in mind... while we are no longer able to physically see them, they are always with us. Many people try to console our bleeding hearts by saying thing like "They live on in our hearts and memories". This is true but it is deeper than that, far deeper. They also live on in a very real sense. They are the chill you get out of nowhere. They are the smile that comes from nothing. They are the tapping sounds on the window and the ladybug on the sill. Cindy is giving you all of these signs to let you know she is still here. Let me tell you a little story:

Once in a Lily pond, in the muddy water under the lily pads, there lived a little water beetle in a community of water beetles. They lived a simple and comfortable life in the pond with few disturbances and interruptions.

Once in a while, sadness would come to the community when one of their fellow beetles would climb the stem of a lily pad and would never be seen again. They knew when this happened that there friend was dead, gone forever.

Then one day the little water beetle felt an irresistible urge to climb up that stem. However, he was determined that he would not leave forever. He would come back and tell his friends what he had found at the top.

When he reached the top and climbed out of the water on to the surface of the lily pad, he was so tired, and the sun felt so warm, that he decided he must take a nap. As he slept, his body changed. And when he woke up, he had turned into a beautiful purple-tailed dragonfly with broad wings and a slender body designed for flying. So fly he did! And, as he soared, he saw the beauty of a whole new world and a far superior way of life than he had ever known existed.

Then he remembered his beetle friends and how they were thinking by now that he was dead. He wanted to go back and tell them and explain to them that he was now more alive than he had ever been before. His life had been fulfilled rather than ended.

But his new body would not go down into the water. He could not get back to tell his friends the good news. Then he understood that there time would come, when they too would know what he now knew. So he raised his wings and flew off into his joyous new life.

You see Sherry, life does not end. It changes form. New Years eve is not leaving anyone behind. It's moving along as usual. Don't cry, sweet... Cindy will be ringing in the new year with you as my dad will be with us. Its going to be OK.

I hope you like what I wrote for you Sherry. I wish you were here with me... and remember... when you go to take a sip of champaign tonight, the bubbles in the glass that tickle your nose? Thats Cindy kissing you.

Happy and safe New Year, everyone.

The happy little Melissa when she saw me get into the car... I cant believe that my little cell phone takes a decent picture!! But she can say my name now and she can pronounce words better. Shes really learning fast. 

Christmas Day

Well I learned something today... That I guess I always knew, but I guess I needed to be reminded. I forgot just how much I love my parents and how much they mean to me. Its Christmas Day, and I do hope that everyone who reads this enjoyed their day ... I know that it was rather a quiet day spent with friends in Florida. I was kinda glad that I was with friends.

I spoke with my parents today and my mom and dad seem to be having a good day, which I'm glad for. I managed through today without falling apart too much. I did cry a little when I spoke to my mother, only cause I just didnt realize how much I need them right now. I can't wait to see them in a few days. I'm really looking forward to it.

Well Good night to all... and to all... a happy new year too.

~Sherry

Florida again...

Well its December 22nd, and I flew this morning to Florida. Having Andrew and Melissa pick me up at the airport and loaning me a car was a huge help. Melissa was so happy to see me that she couldnt stop giggling and snuggling with me. It was so sweet. Then she fell asleep on my shoulder for 40 minutes. I wouldn't trade that time for anything.

I took a picture of her with my new cell phone but not sure how to get it off the phone yet. I'll eventualy get it off and get it on here for everyone to see. She can ALMOST say my name which amused the heck outta me. Then I drove south to my friend's house. They are so great to put me up here for the time I'll be here.

It's a little bit of a harsh slap of reality... Walking through the West Palm Beach airport terminal and not having Cindy there to greet me... then driving through Florida I fought back tears the entire trip to my friend's house. I saw the apartment that Cindy and Andrew were living in and I walked around it touching everything in site... just because at some point, I know Cindy touched it. And I just want so much to be close to here. To have her hear me... and feel how lost I feel without her most of the time.

Well if anyone wants to get a hold of me, you all know how... talk to you all soon my friends, family and everyone else. Thank you for still showing the support for me and my family.

Just like a prayer...

And Cindy around 18 years old.

In 2000, In Better times

More Recent

Remembrance (around 16 years old)

October 10, 1968-November 13, 2004, May Cindy always be in our hearts and she will be with us. I'll keep everyone updated on the trust fund for Melissa and I'll also be posting Cindy pictures for anyone who would like to have some as well

The Trust Fund

The amazing people at PWG where Cindy used to work is going to be setting up a trust fund for little Melissa for when she gets older. If there is anyone who wishes to also contribute to the fund that is going to be set up in January, please email my mother at cupcake@si.rr.com and she will be glad to tell you who to send it to. Just put in the subject line "Regarding Melissa's Trust Fund" so she doesnt delete something she isn't sure of.

Thank you to everyone for the constant prayers, support and friendships that you all gave and are still giving. I don't think I will ever get over what has happened, and for some people, they are using me as a substitute for my sister, and that's ok. Makes me feel like part of Cindy's life and honored as well. I just hope that everyone understands that I'm going to need a little time too.

I'm disabling comments for this post, so if you want to say anything to me just email me at LadySunshin3@gmail.com .

Nicole at PWG sent me an email with a phrase in it today that I'm going to post here... I think that its definitely fitting. Thank you Nicole.

Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our
wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

To the angels...

November 13, 2004; 2:15am Cindy Robin peacefully passed away. She waited for all of us to be there to say goodbye and wrote a note the day before saying that she loved everyone and that she would be good. Both of my parents were there when Cindy drifted out of this world...and I believe that my family greeted her on the other side with open arms.

I told her how much she was loved, how I always looked up to her and I thanked her for always watching out for me, taking care of me and showing me things I didn't know. She believed in me more then I knew. For that I will be forever grateful and to everyone who loved Cindy and always showed her support, love and care, thank you. Thank all of you for being who you are, and always help to keep Cindy's memory alive. She'll be in my heart and with us always. My "Cidny"

Forever,
Sherry Ellen, her sister.

Was hoping for better....

News that is. But I dont have any. I know a lot of people read this journal and rely on me to keep them up to date on what is going on. Well This wont be a sugar coated post so if you do not think you can handle it, now is the time to close the window.

Today wasn't a good day for any of us. Today was my mother's 60th birthday. For any other mother, she might have her husband, and two daughters throwing her a huge birthday party with lots of balloons and candles and smiles. But today wasn't like that at all. Cindy was up all night uncomfortable and didn't get to even sleep today. Her oxygen level kept dropping too low and she was very confused all day long. She would get nose bleeds all day on and off, more on then off though and the blood thinners would make them last for hours.

I gave her a good massage for two hours to try to relax her but it wasn't enough. She has been having constant panic attacks and the doctors tell us unless she can get strong enough for chemotherapy, there is little they can do for her. The Iressa isn't helping. She refuses to eat and I managed to get her to eat a little something today but not nearly enough for a day's nutrition.

I know I should have written this post when my mood wasn't as depressed as it is right now, but I think everyone who is keeping up with this should know how things are. How they are going to be.... and what might be coming down the road ahead of us. I spent the day with my mother and father... and my one sister. I looked at her face today wondering why we never really looked anything alike. But when I spoke, I could hear her.

I think my family needs a miracle...

And another month ends.

Well yesterday was my birthday, yep, I'm a Halloween kid. I went up to the hospital to see Cindy and things went fairly well. She had pnemonia but she is overcoming that and she has a bacterial infection again but that is also going to clear up. The Iressa isn't doing enough for her so they are working on getting her stronger right now to endure traditional Chemotherapy. They informed her that she has to start eating (she didnt eat for seven days) and they are giving her very high doses of vitamins as well. So with a little "tough love" from my mother she ate a little yesterday and had almost a full meal so far today. Its a start.

She also has to start walking around and sitting in chairs. She hasn't been because of the fluid in her lungs but the doctors said since she is sounding a LOT clearer, she can start again. Her legs and arms are so weak from really not using them and sleeping constantly from the tons of medications, that her muscles weakened very badly. Its going to take some time to get them back into some sort of shape. I believe that they are ordering physical therapy for her which should help and with a small break from cancer meds her body might just respond a little better.

They are also having someone come in to investigate why she has no voice. She is down to a very low whisper and she should by all rights have a voice. So this doctor is supposed to be to see her before the day is out. My mother has been sleeping at the hospital and my father has been going there every chance he gets between work. I make a point to get there at least once a week but now that school is finished, I'm going to try to get there a little more. I'm hoping that if she sees all the extra support we're giving her, it'll open her eyes that we are all really pulling for her.

If anyone would like to send get well cards, its Sloan Kettering Memorial Hospital in Manhattan and her room number is 1429. Just look up the address on www.superpages.com. Thats usually what I use.

Well for now thats about all I have to report. She's breathing a little easier and shes starting to eat.... Hopefully this is a good start for her.

Well heres the Clan! From left to right, my grandmother, my mom, me in the middle, Cindy next to me and my father and my neice behind Cindy. Yesterday was a great day and today I got Cindy up and walking around a bit. So that made it even better! Tomorrow I'm having a small party here and last night three friends "kidnapped" me and got me a bit drunk. I can't help it if apple martini's were calling my name! Totally not my fault I had three of them!!! But they were darn good! We made a toast to Cindy... to her health and her life. Before we even toasted to me. Things are looking up.... and for that I couldnt be happier. 

Great news all around!!!

Well I graduated... and Cindy was there too! The test results are in and they have stopped the cancer from spreading... there is NO NEW GROWTH!!! So now the next step is to get rid of whats there. All in all it was a great day all around. When My father returns home, I'll post the pics of me and my family... For now, here is one a friend took of me at graduation.

keeps coming

Well the fluid removal from her lungs went well and if all stays well she should be back home on Saturday. They put a port in her so she wont have to keep poking herself with needles and they wont have to keep looking for veins. I'm told that its painless. I have seen this before and usually its not a big deal.

She seemed to be doing ok and she's eating fairly well again. They put her back a light dose of steroids and she is starting physical therapy as well. We will have a physical therapist coming to my home to work with her and help her gain some strength again.

Hope all are doing well.
~Sherry

October 10th

Well 10/10 is Cindy's birthday and it turned out to be a fairly quiet day. She ate a little bit and she has been in the hospital all week long. They are trying to find out why she has so much trouble holding down food. They put her back on a low dose of steriods as well as Adavan for her stomach. She sleeps most of the time but at least she is able to hold down some food when she does finally eat.

My parents, my Uncle Jack, Aunt Sheila, Brother in law, neice and my sister's Mother in law came in for her birthday and we had a little cake and some presents. Turned out to be an okay day for her.

Today (10/11) we got some results. The radiation to her head was a success and has stopped the growth of any more cancer, as well as the radiation to her back. She has some fluid on her lungs and they are going to extract the fluid tomorrow morning. There is a slight chance of her lungs collapsing so they want to do this early in the day when there is a full staff of doctors on hand to help her. We'll all pray and keep our fingers crossed.

She also has been having some diarrhea so they are trying to find the source of that as well. If it is coming from the Iressa, which is the chemotherapy pill, then she will have to go for traditional chemo instead which really would be draining on her.

I hope tomorrow goes well for her and I hope everyone says a good long prayer... she needs them all.

Godspeed Emilio

At 2pm today, October 5th, 2004, my best friend Chris's father Emilio passed away. He was in no pain and died peacefully. He has been suffering horribly with cancer and the passed few days has been very bad.

I hope that everyone will give Chris a little prayer that he and his family stay strong during this hard time. He was truly a sweet kind hearted man who deserves to be at peace and suffer no more.

You'll be sorely missed Emilio.

~Sherry

Little Releif

Well Cindy's blood sugar went down to 97 which is perfect! She's off the steriods and shes starting to get stronger. She's walking around a little bit better and a LOT more awake. She's starting to also eat a bit better. Her sense of taste is also returning which is great, so she'll enjoy whatever she is eating a lot more.

She's back on the Iressa for a little while now and I don't know how its helping yet but I've been massaging down her legs and her hands from stiffness. Her right foot doesnt get swollen anymore, and the left one does but not as bad and the massaging helps.

Well for now things are going ok and shes been going outside to sit and enjoy the cool weather. Thanks for the support and I'll update you more soon!

Good day

Well Cindy is still in the hospital and her blood sugar is coming down. Also they are weining her off the steriods so its helping a lot. Her white blood cell count is coming back up and I just talked to her and she sounded in really good spirits. She is hoping to be home by the weekend and if she is, I'm going to make sure I have NO weekend plans so I can be here to help her and my neice.

Also the swelling in her legs, from what I'm told, the right leg looks just about normal now and its just her left one that is still swollen. But her voice sounded better today and I gave her a picture of the baby with her hair up. I'll try to get that posted soon. Melissa doesn't let you put her hair up and somehow I managed to get it done. So my sister really got a good kick out of that. But I was told today that radiation is FINISHED!!! No more of that!! Now she has to work with the Iressa and start eating good healthy foods and vitamins. Get her strength up and fight off the cancer. But things are going ok.

Hope everyone else is doing well!

sugar...

Well things are going decently. The radiation is overwith and Cindy is keeping food down pretty much all the time. I even got her eating some of my health food so that will help her gain some nutrition as well. The doctors are going to start to wein her off the steriods she is on and she is back on the Iressa. But because of the steriods, her blood sugar level sky rocketed today. When it hit a total of 490, they all loaded into the car and took her back to Sloan Kettering as per the doctor's requests. So I took Melissa to the park today and there were two concerts going on. One was the steel drums and the other was old rock and roll. She loved the steel drums and it was quite entertaining. Then I pushed her on the swings for a while and she played with some of the other little kids that were at the park. Perfect weather for it too!

So, by the time 4pm rolled around I could see she was ready for a nice name. Its 4:45pm now and we're home and she is sound asleep. So I'm relaxing on the recliner next to her with my laptop and catching up on some things that I needed taken care of online. I'm sorry for not posting as much as I should be doing. Just been so busy with graduation in less then four WEEKS!

Talk to you all soon and keep up the prayers... they help tons.

Busy

Sorry it's been a few days since my last posting. I've been rather busy around here. Cindy went for her last radiation treatment today and it went rather well. She is holding down food a LOT better now and even went to the diner afterwards to get a nice lunch with my parents. She's sound asleep now and should probably sleep most of the night away cause of the treatment.

On Thursday she returns to the hospital for a doctor appointment and a checkup to see how things are going. I'm also hoping they take her off the steriods so the swelling in her legs goes down. It's pretty bad and painful. I've been helping her by massaging them out every chance she gives me to do it and I can see a difference by the time I'm done.

My neice is being a little angel and a massive snuggler to me and everyone else around her. I think she finally really got used to her environment and is adapting to it very nicely now.

Aside from that things are on the quiet side. Thankfully things are going smooth. Thanks for the prayers and all the help everyone has given to me and my family.

Always,
Sherry

The Latest

Cindy was brought home yesterday and is eating better now. She has also been getting some good sleep which she really needs also. Things for now are going very smoothly.

Thank you to the people at PWG, the package arrived today and thank you so much for it's contents. I cant tell you what it means to all of us. Especially Cindy.

Now for a small prayer.... My best friend Chris also keeps a page on here... www.kriscorner.blogspot.com and talks about his father who has also been battling cancer. Today the priest gave his father his last rights... unfortunately he wont be with us much longer. So I ask for a moment of silence for Emilio Martino, may be suffer no longer and may he know that he is very loved and that he will be sorely missed. I love you Emilio.

silence

and again she goes...

Cindy was admitted into Sloan Kettering again last night. She was throwing up a lot and couldnt even hold down water. So they gave her some meds which definitely helped and they rehydrated her as well. She ate a little bit today and she sounded better by early evening tonight.

I called her earlier and even though I know she wasn't much into talking to me, she made the effort to stay on the phone with me, so I told her I loved her and I didn't keep her more then a moment or two.

Well I'm about to go show my 16 year old cat some massive attention. Shes meowing around my chair as I type this and keeps pawing at me that she wants us to get into bed and snuggle. Crazy cat! Take care everyone... and I hope everyone today, on September 11th, thought of the people taken from us in New York. God Bless them all, and their families...

Michael J. Clarke - you were thought of today and prayed for.

And the prodical girl returns!

Cindy is being released from the hospital tonight. She will have to undergo more radiation, but as an out patient, which I think is definitely a lot better for her. They found a few very small leasions on her brain which is what they will be using radiation for and were very optimistic that this will clear them up very quickly.

I haven't spoken to her as of this morning but I would think that she's happy shes returning home. I know my dog can't wait to snuggle with her, she's been on that bed waiting for her every day. I guess the power of prayers do help, cause Cindy is starting to get her spunk back. She took a double lap walk around the hospital yesterday and has been eating decently as well. The bacteria infection is all cleared up and she's feeling a lot better.

Also, on a small note, Thank you to the people of Skyway Campgrounds. Unfortunately the group picture didn't come out properly or I would have put it up here but you guys were so amazing to myself and Chris. You made us feel like family and for that we both thank you. We've been having a very hard time here and even though we were there just two days, we both de-stressed and we came home stronger for it. Thank you again.

Always,
Sherry

The Same 'ol...

Well there isn't much new to report. Cindy has finished with the radiation for now and she's on an antibiotic for a nasty bacteria infection she has. She's been sleeping that off more then anything else. They transferred her to a private room so she doesnt give it to anyone else who's immune system is down like hers.

My parents have pretty much been there every day and I've been keeping up with communications with their friends, our family and whoever else asks how things are going. The doctors told us that as soon as she is over this infection and feeling a little stronger, she can go back to our house! So hopefully soon enough that will be happening.

That's about it for now folks...

~Sherry

Dad!

Today I wantto thank my father... for being this incredible man who I dont think I could have gotten through today without. Sometimes he doesnt know it but he truely is an amazing person and has shown me that there is so much strength in him that we can all draw from.

I thank God for my father and wouldn't trade him for the world. And I'm going to let everyone know that!

G'night all.
Sherry

Your turn to help!

Ok, Sorry it's been a few days but now I'm back and heres the newest! Cindy has finally started to get up and get around. She did a full lap around the hospital floor two days ago and TWO full laps yesterday; one in the morning and a second at night. She's determined and that's GREAT. She's not eating very much but its to be expected and she will once some of the treatments slow down again. So not to worry there. It's very normal. Her appetite isn't really there and when she does eat the radiation makes her get a bit sick.

Ok, heres what I need... SUPPORT! Hey PWG people... She asked about you guys today. She hasn't been able to see the comments you're all leaving here, but I'm going to print them out and bring them with me today. She would love to hear from you guys. She asked why you guys haven't called and I think its partially my fault for not leaving you guys a number to call her on! Well she's good and awake today and usually is in the early part of the day... so get off your duffs and give her a jingle! 212.639.4419 (small edit, this is the right number) is the number. I'm going to print out your comments today and bring them over to her like one big card... But I think a little voice support would be great.

Now... on to some other stuff... There are a couple of people who have this website and I'm sorry to say that if Cindy knew she would be upset about it. People who used to be friends with her and haven't spoken to her in years. I think it would be best that these people didn't leave comments for her. She doesnt know that you guys know what is going on, and I'm sure you want to keep up with the website but I would rather NOT upset her and it would. Again I'm sorry, but I can see where she is coming from after speaking with her about certain matters.

Lastly... She got to see her little girl yesterday since she had enough strength to make it to the lobby downstairs and spent a good two hours with her... so that really gave her a good PUSH in the right direction. Thanks guys.. for all the support, time and prayers, we all love you very much.
~Sherry

DING DING!! And the fight begins!

Well shes back on the radiation and the Iressa... and they removed the drain today from her heart. Shes much more alert and as for more good news she took a LONG walk around today!! She walked like half the floor and then around another area. So thats a great start. Looks like the fight begins! I just called her and her voice sounds stronger and she was just about to get off the bed again!! :)

So my parents had their basement dumped out from the flood and all is nice and cleaned out now and they are on their way back into the city to be with Cindy. I'm in Pennsylvania for the day taking care of a few things and spending a little time at a friend's house as well. But I thought I'd quickly post up the good news that just came across my cell phone. Well I hope everyone is having a good day!!

PS: We are starting a fund for Cindy. if you need our mailing address to donate, email me for information at LadySunshin3@yahoo.com or you can use our paypal account at snapshot@si.rr.com as well. If you use the paypal account, please make sure to include something in the comments so I can tell her who it came from and a little message. Thank you again for all your support during this time and I'll make sure to keep everyone informed.

Just please...

I can only hope that this little girl can make my sister realize how precious life is. How precious her life is and how much she is needed here. She has been having a bad couple of days and I can't imagine what in the world I can do to make her feel any better physically or mentally. I just know this... right now I need everyone to stop for one minute and realize the people around them. How they all effect you and your life. Your family, friends... coworkers. Even your family's friends, who become like family to you after so many years. Cindy makes a big impact to people she meets and knows. When I see her with Melissa its amazing that someone who had such little patience for me has a world of patience for this little baby.

Cindy is scared, angry, hurting and in pain all the time. I wish I could take even a fraction of it away and I cant. There isnt a person right now in this world who can make her feel even slightly better about what is going on. But I pray that she fights this. She's just not trying and I'm scared. I always knew that she was the one better at organizing things, and taking care of situations and giving good ideas. She was always better at taking care of her personal life. I still fear I cant manage on my own!

Could someone please tell me that this will all be ok? That this roller coaster of a nightmare will be slowing down soon and that Cindy will fight this.... I know I said I was keeping this journal so everyone can keep up with her progress but I guess tonight I felt like venting. And for whoever reads this... thanks for "listening".

Appreciate the people around you as well as everything around you. Appreciate every sunrise and sunset you see, the sweet smell of fresh cut grass, butterflies, good food, family, your pets that give you unconditional love, hugs, kisses, laughter, a cool breeze, and everything else that makes up life. Theres so much to see and do in the course of a person's life and most people dont even do a fraction of it.

Another Monday

Well shes still recooperating and the meds keep her pretty drousy but I got to talk to her a little. They are taking her off the morphine and I'm hoping that this will wake her up a little more. The doctors tell her that she has to start walking around but being so drowsy, dizzy and the nausia, causes her to literally not want to move, which I wouldnt want to either. Plus she's in pain which also contributes to her really staying still.

Well I wish there was more I had to write... but right now I'm sitting in class on a bit of a break. Well gotta go back.

The walk.

Well Cindy got off that bed today, took a bit of a walk around the hospital, was rather painful but she did it which shows she is trying. It was a quiet day, her throat bothers her from the tube that was in it from them knocking her out to do the procedure and she can't really speak much. That'll take time. She also still has a lot of fluid built up in her but its starting to come out and I think shes starting to feel better in that sense too. She didn't walk as much as they would have liked her to but it will come in time.

They had to stop the radiation for a while to allow her body to heal from this surgery but she is still taking the Iressa which they havent stopped. She isn't getting any of the side effects that would make her have to go off of it (thank God) so she is safe to take it. Right now I think she is better off where she is then anywhere in the world. I was at that hospital yesterday and they dont have regular hospital rules. They don't really enforce visiting hours... They are VERY friendly and warm and they take the time to really talk to you. Also they show a lot of compassion. I was glad for that. I left three balloons with a little stuffed animal weighing them down and a card there last night. I knew she wouldnt remember I was there... so this would show I was. She liked seeing that this morning. It was cheery.

If anyone wants to get in touch with me aside from here... if you look up my profile from the main page, you'll find my AIM screen name. Feel free to just IM me and let me know who you are. Thanks again for all the prayers guys, means the world to me. I just hope someone up there is listening... I've truly never been so scared. I could never think I'd not have a sister... and I dont know what I'd do if I thought she wouldn't be in my life. We dont really get along all that well... but she was always the smarter of us and the one to take care of things. Now I'm doing a lot of it and it really shows me what I took for granted.

Breathing...

Ok, surgery is OVER. She did very well and they removed 300-400 cc's of fluid from around her heart, which is the equivalent to 2 full soda cans. Its a lot but now she will start to feel a heck of a lot better. I drove up there tonight and sat with her for a short while, she drifted in and out and they still had her on assisted breathing but I'm sure that she'll sleep the rest of it off and feel right as rain in a day or two. They said that she would really feel a huge difference in a day or two.

I want to also thank everyone for all their prayers. The people from Cindy's work, my family, my friends, her friends.... you guys all mean the world to me right now. Thank you again and again. For now everyone is resting for the night and I'll post on Sunday after I return from seeing her again.

G'night world.

A hearts prayer....

Cindy is not returning home today, plans have changed again. Seems there is fluid around her heart that is causing trouble. Tomorrow morning she will be undergoing surgery to release the fluid. Please let this go okay and let her rest comfortably. I wish I had more to report... I don't know enough yet. I'll try to report more later. And I'll let you all know how she did afterwards.

It's 4pm and they still havent taken her yet for the surgery. I'm sorry that everyone is waiting for news... I wish I had some. They are giving her a break from radiation until her body rejuvinates a bit and she heals a little from the procedure. I'm going to trek up to the hospital myself after class and the nurses who are VERY nice told me they will turn a blind eye to me being there past visiting hours. Right now I'm sitting in java class hoping he lets us out early... so i can be with my family. I think right now I need them more then they need me there.

Iressa!

Well something new, so here's the new journal entry! They have been giving Cindy radiation and now as of last night started her on a medication called "Iressa", which if anyone would like to look up, can be found at http://www.iressa.com/

This is a medication that works like chemotherapy but without some of the harsh side effects. Since radiation and chemo cannot be given at the same time, this medication will take the place of chemo until she CAN get it, unless it works well, then she might not need chemo at all, which would be wonderful!

Cindy is very tired and been sleeping alot but it helps the body to heal, plus she needs as little stress as possible. So I'm glad that she is there, where its quiet. I'm told that Sloan Kettering Hospital's staff is not only VERY knowledgeable but they are very warm people. So it makes it easier on not only the patients, but the visiting family as well. The people she works with are amazing. They have been keeping in touch with Cindy as well as me and I never met a more caring bunch. I'm glad that Cindy was part of that group and I hope she will be returning to them soon. I think Brian (her boss) misses his traveling buddy! ppssssst.... Brian... I miss her nagging at me too! ;)

Well today I am driving my mom around while she takes care of a few things, so it should be a rather quiet day. Looks soggy and rainy out again but I think I'll take mom out for lunch and maybe we'll just try to have a nice relaxing day. I think she needs it. I know I did yesterday. Thank God for red wine. lol!

Little extra peice of news I just had to throw in here, we found out this morning that Cindy will be coming home tomorrow. So she will get to spend some time relaxing at home this weekend with us and her daughter. Hope the phones keep quiet!

Talk to you all later!
Sherry

Late Introduction

Ok, so here is me. Some people reading this never did get to meet me or see what I look like. So since you are all following along, I thought I best throw a picture of myself up there as well. I have NO idea whats with the guy sitting next to me, he was definitely a strange character. My friend is taking the picture of me and it was July 4th. We were waiting for the NYC Macy's Fireworks display and just relaxing. Was a great day. Anyway, theres my very late introduction. And enjoy the pics!

Lotta Laughs...

Well today I spent most of my day with Melissa my neice. She truly is a joy to be around. She is such a well behaved little girl that I didn't want to give her back!! I took her to the mall, did a little clothes shopping, then we had lunch with Chris with us. She napped while Chris and I had a little ice cream and then we went to Chris's house so Melissa could see Chris's mom who wanted to see her. Afterwards, I took her to my friend Meredith who was nice enough to watch her for a few hours while I worked. From what I was told she was very well behaved there too. But even though I'm truly exhausted now from chasing after her all day and making her smile... it was worth every second of it. I wouldn't trade a moment of today for anything. She just gave me a huge hug and now Andrew (my brother in law) is trying to get her to go to sleep for the night.

Cindy is still in the hospital. She had a fever on and off and they put her on an antibiotic so she has to stay there for a little longer. She also got pain meds so shes very tired.... I hope she sleeps well and feels better tomorrow.

Setback...

Well Cindy was supposed to return home today from Sloan Kettering hospital but that didn't happen. She has a low grade fever, probably from the first dose of radiation but to be on the safe side they are keeping her. She had a nice shower and they took the IV out of her arm so this way she can be a little more comfortable. She sounded very tired and I do hope that she is able to get some rest.

Not much else to report at the moment so I'll just end it on this.... what doesnt kill you makes you stronger... my family, all of it, aunts, uncles, cousins, parents, my friends, her friends.... all are family to me. And I'm thankful for them, they keep me and my immediate family strong... so thank you, all of you.

Friday... the 13th.

Well today it starts. Cindy will have her first treatment of radiation which will be a two week treatment. She will get radiation every day for the next two weeks. She can do this as an "out" patient. She will be staying tonight though for observation but after that she can come back here and just go to the city during the day to get her treatment and come home. The reason they are doing this first is because there is a section in her lower spine that needs immediate attention. They also changed her inhaler medications in hopes of controlling her coughing and to sooth her some.

Melissa has a cold so that really restricts where she can go and see. I'm hoping not to catch it myself but seems Melissa has taken a HUGE attachment to me and hugs me constantly and always puts her hands on me. She walks up behind me and hugs my legs, pulls at my clothes and laughs. She really is such a little doll!!! I feel like I have a responsibility to her right now more then anyone else. My parents need to concentrate on Cindy and even though my concerns, prayers and thoughts are with Cindy, Melissa seems to need me around. So "around" I'll be.

I got in touch with a few people from Cindy's office today and gave them the website here... as well as some of the campground members my parents associate with. So I'd like to say hello to everyone who is just reading all of this for the first time. Theres a lot to catch up on, but I'm sure you guys will. My sister's best friend Bonnie is printing out all the pages to make a scrapbook for when all of this is over. Its strange to know that whatever I type will wind up in her book. Hi Bonnie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll post more as I get it. She's feeling a bit better today from getting liquids and meds to help clean out her system. I hope that she does ok with this...

End of the night.

Hows THIS for comfy? Sometimes I want to trade places with my cat. Ashley has SUCH a good life! Cindy is resting comfortably in Sloan Kettering tonight while they rehydrate her and make sure to help her get over some nausia she has been having. Melissa and Andrew and I went out for a bite to eat and then I gave the baby a nice bath and she should be asleep by now.

Well aside from that, everything is quiet. There isn't much to really report as of yet but as usual, I'll keep everyone informed. Please feel free to post comments so I KNOW you guys are out there reading! Thanks!

G'night,
Sherry

On the Road Again....

Well Cindy and my parents are on their way back to the hospital in the city. She has an appointment today to discuss treatments, when they will start, what they are going to do and also to tell her the results of the MRI she had done last night. She also was dehydrated so she had some IV also last night to help hydrate her a bit. She was feeling a bit better this morning and was so happy to see Melissa last night. My dog, as I said hasn't left Cindy's side and here she is with her. Thanks to Chris I now know how to put pictures into my posts so I'm making sure to do so when I can. If anyone wants to save them, right click on them, and hit Save picture. Enjoy!!

Well newest news...they are admitting her. She's dehydrated and they want to get to the bottom of her bouts of nausia. So I'll be taking Andrew and Melissa after I have class to dinner and then spend my night with the baby. Maybe I'll tell Andrew to take a night to himself... maybe his brother can pick him up for a while. He just can't take my car in case I need it. I hate feeling stranded. Anyway, there are no MRI results as of yet....but I'm hoping that they will make her more comfortable. She's really been having a rough week.

The cutie!

My Neice Melissa! Well here she is! :) She is the happiest little bundle in the world! She was freely giving hugs and laughing and kisses... and she even hugged the dog calling her "mine". hahah! Anyway, I hope you all enjoy the picture and I hope to see some of you soon!

Sherry

Posted by Hello

Melissa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well in a few hours my neice Melissa will be here with my brother in law Andrew for a few days. It'll be so nice to see her since I haven't in a very long time. I think my sister is REALLY looking forward to it but the meds she is on makes her really tired and she sleeps a LOT.

We found out she has "small cell lung cancer". I'm not sure if that is good or bad. I know certain types of cancer are worse then others but in this case I'm not sure. I'll have to do a little research for this one.

Well my parents took Cindy to Sloan tonight for her MRI and she's been very nausious lately as well. So Sloan Kettering will address her nausia first and she's going through the emergency room so it can be taken care of fast. I'm not sure if she'll be staying there overnight or what. She's been coughing a whole bunch lately and her right side ribs have been hurting very badly. So I hope that they check that out as well and maybe give her somthing to help her not cough as much as she has been. The treatments that she is supposed to do dont seem to do enough for her. I just hope that maybe this trip will help.

Andrew and Melissa should be here VERY soon.....

And a quiet weekend approaches!

TGIF!!!! Starting out already to be a nice quiet morning... but it's going to be a quiet weekend. My brother in law left already to head back to Florida, Cindy is sleeping in a bit, its nice and quiet. My cat is curled up next to me as I sit here with my laptop on my lap updating the laptop for all you fans out there!

My parents and Cindy are going upstate this weekend. No major phones ringing, no noise, and plus there will be a block party here on MY block this weekend, way too much noise around here so it'll be quiet there. It's about a 2 and 1/2 hour drive but she'll be ok for it. She actually requested to go. I'm hoping this will do her some good. She'll be able to just sit, relax and enjoy some peace and quiet. I'm sure that my parent's friends upstate will be coming around asking if she needs anything, you know, the "hitting her over the head with a Hallmark card" scenario. But Cindy seems to take all of this so well it makes me proud she's MY sister. It's amazing what an impact she's had on everyone and she doesnt even realize it. Someday I'll have to tell her what I think of her in my head.

Since her move to Florida a few years ago, we speak on AOL Instant Messenger a LOT. In that time we've become somewhat friends and I've gotten to learn things about her I never thought she would share with me. Also she talks to me more like a friend rather than the bratty sister I always was to her. I tucked her into bed the other night and kissed her hand. She smiled slightly and I whispered that I loved her. It made me feel good that I did it.

So, she'll have a relaxing weekend and maybe my parents will do. I HOPE that they do. They need it more then anyone really. My father has been working and my mother cannot for her life SIT STILL! If I could duct tape her to the floor I would at this point to make her see she has got to slow down and pace herself just a bit.

Well as for me, I'll be in Florida all weekend at a friend's house. I'm going to plop onto a lounge chair, with my new book "Digital Fortress" by Dan Brown and my walkman with some classical music. In the sun I'll be. Next week the "fun" begins. If I'm right Cindy will start treatments next week. I better get her lemon drops,they help a LOT for nausea during those treatments, I know too many people who had chemo, its sad but helpful.

Have a good weekend everyone... I know me and my family will.

PS: My sister had the mamography and that came back absolultely normal. And her breathing is starting to feel better too. So she's a bit stronger. She is going back Wednesday night to Sloan for an MRI or Cat Scan, I cant remember which one. But soon they will be telling us the right course of action to attack with. She's in great spirits and I'm glad that we have been treating each other as friends. She's sleeping now... I do hope the phone stops ringing a little. It's like grand central station here!!

Ssshhhhh.....

So... whats the odds that today will be a quiet day? My sister had a mamography this morning and now my mother, Cindy and my brother in law are having breakfast at a local diner. I'm sure afterwards they'll be back here and hopefully have a quiet day. Let's just say yesterday was anything BUT quiet or happy around here.

So its just 11am and so far its been decently quiet on both ends. I woke up to a quiet house and a cat pawing my face. So... lets all pray for a nice quiet day.

Keeping fingers crossed...

Well they are off... on their way to the first meeting with the Sloan Kettering doctor. Her appointment is for 2:30pm, so it'll be a while before I hear anything but I'm sure I'll be posting later on tonight what is going on. Please be patient with me, and I'll add onto here as soon as I can. I know a lot of you are counting on this little website for updates, and get some of my useless babble too but at least you guys are all knowing whats going on. And my poor parents don't have to keep repeating it over and over, as well as me. Until later.....

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Ok, the oncologist and the pathologist are going to start looking over her files and find the best course of action. She has to return for either an X-ray or MRI, I cant remember which one but thats next week and she was given a HUGE amount of pain killers so she doesnt have to worry about running out. She had a long day and came home and literally just passed out. So did my father. So I was glad that the phone didn't really ring much. She'll be starting treatment as soon as they have looked over everything and talk to her about the best course of action to start with. They also gave her different meds for her nebulizer to help her breathing a bit. The meds that were given to her in Florida were useless and didn't help her at all. So we're hoping these do. All in all it was really just a "first meeting" to get to know Cindy's case, get the rest of the files and slides that Cindy had with her and to start really digging into the case. There wasn't as much to tell as I thought there would be, or I hoped would be but the Doctor there I'm told was very nice and I think my family felt confident with him.

G'night all.

Hot water...

It's amazing how you take things like hot water for granted... till you are slightly rushed, trying to jump into the shower cause you have to get yourself to class and there isn't any! I truly don't like hot water heaters.... grumble...

Well Cindy got out of the house a little today which is good. She can't stay cooped up in the house sitting on the couch. She's gotta move around some and get her legs stronger again. So my mother dropped her off at a place to get her nails done and also a pedicure. I believe one of her closest friends was meeting her there and will be taking her home again. Unfortunately my mother is home calling the hot water heater guys to come and find the problem so when I return later I can take a nice hot shower. I'll probably run to the gym first since I already feel "icky".

For the first time in weeks my mother had nothing really to do and I thought it was a good thing. I told her to take a load off, go watch some tv, relax, maybe do a little reading but she looked so anxious and I doubt she'll sit still for long. I hope she does though. I'm worried about her. I feel that she has way too much going on, she's been on overload for too long and needs to unwind a whole bunch. I gave her the name and number of my therapist and I hope she calls him. I know she was sort of hinting towards it, so I made sure to grab one of his business cards and hand it over to her. She hid it away rather quick, like to keep it a secret that she's even getting it. There's no shame in seeing a therapist if you need one or feel like you need one, and theres absolutely NO shame in taking medications to calm you down if its necessary. I found that the two meds that I'm now on give me focus. I am doing better with reading, I retain what I read and I find that I'm not going into a test petrified to all hell. I hope my mother calls....

Well the basement is just about dried out. The washer and dryer are "A-okay" and so is the freezer down there. The water heater needed some repair and looks like we're not done with that struggle and I dont think the furniture is going to survive this disaster. It still smells down there too. It'll be a long time before my parents have their little sanctuary back. I know how much they love to go down there, unwind, doze off and relax to the tv. Ah... the tv is ok too. Thankfully.

Well its 2:46pm right now, I best get ready for my test in three minutes!!

The Weekend...

Well originally I was going to forfit going to Florida since my sister is here and there's no reason for me to leave here. But even my parents can see I need a little break. So I'm going to fly to Florida this weekend and spend it with two friends of mine, Craig and Julie. They said that I can just sit by their pool, read my book and relax. It's completely fine with them and honestly really fine with me. Classes are hard to pay attention to since all that is going on and even though I know my mother could really use me here, two days away wont really hurt anyone. I pulled both my parents aside together and asked them if it would be ok and they both said if you need to take two days away from here, then just do it. They both agreed that I could use it and since its my last semester of classes and my stress is through the roof, it's not such a bad idea.

So, this weekend should help me relax just a tad I hope. I just hope that nothing goes wrong while I'm gone. Everyone keep a prayer for us...

Here comes August!

Well August has finally started and its a rainy day and all is somewhat quiet. I got to sleep in a little this morning and I spent last night watching Shrek with my sister. We both fell asleep. I woke up around 2am and shuffled myself upstairs at her request to not have anyone sleep downstairs with her. So I left my phone with her as a security blanket on MY end and left. I thought just in case of a problem she can dial my mother's line upstairs. She's been having trouble breathing and the machine they gave her isn't working right, seems to be missing one of the drugs it needs to work the way it should for her. I felt so frustrated like I wanted to literally just give her one of my lungs so she could get a good deep breath. I still dont quite understand why this is all happening but at the same time I'm doing my best to be a good sister and friend to Cindy. Yesterday she and Chris had fun picking on me during dinner and I just let them pick away. I thought that honestly I would rather hear her laughing then not feeling well. She was a bit nausious this morning but I'm hoping that will pass quickly for her. She's still swollen inside from the biopsy surgery and its causing her aweful heartburn as well as nausia. I hope that heals up quickly too.

We got Chinese food last night which put Cindy in food heaven... it's her favorite especially from where we got it from. My mother and sister were attacking me with money and who was going to pay for it. In the end I took Cindy's money, I think she needs to feel like she contributes back and she should if she wants to. My mother can't always do everything.

I went to where I used to work and left about a year ago yesterday. It felt funny just walking through the front door. I didnt leave on horrible terms but I felt very uncomfortable until the greeting I got from my exboss. She had heard about Cindy through one of the girls working there that I did stay friends with. She was then asking how she was and what happened. I had told her I was sorry but I needed to ask her for a favor. With my basement pretty much destroyed, I had nowhere to bathe my cat. The dog isn't really a problem since she doesnt shed and if I blow dry her out nothing flies out of her. My cat on the other hand, the hair goes all over, which is why I bathe her in the slop sink, located in the basement. Now I cant. So I made arrangements with my exboss (Diane) that every three weeks I can bring Ashley (cat) into her place and give her a bath. She's not charging me since I'm doing it on my own and not using any of her stuff. I thought it was nice of her. I was pretty thankful for it.

Well I have some family coming over today, my cousins Cynthia and Tom and MAYBE my sister's friend Bonnie and her husband Jamie. Also one of my brother in law's relatives, completely forgot who he was, but a nice guy. Things here have been quiet, but after this coming Tuesday when Cindy goes to Sloan Kettering Hospital, the road just begins.

She had a very tiring day. A lot of company and awake all day. I would think by now shes passed out cold sleeping and I'm hoping sleeping very soundly. She deserved it and needed it tonight.

Have a good Sunday everyone.

With a hitch...

Well my sister, mother and father had no problems on the flight coming into NY.  As a matter of fact that end went a little TOO smooth which is why MY end went absolutely horrifying!!!  I woke up an hour after my alarm went off and was almost late to my doctor appointment.  I got there and even driving there and home I wasn't feeling all that great.  I got home and thought I would check on my laundry in the basement and when I got down there I literally stepped into two full feet of water.  Instant panic attack.  I called Chris first flipping out and begging him to come over here.  Then I called flood people and then my family at the airport in Florida waiting for a plane. 

Lets just say from there its been one HELL of a day.  Chris stayed here while I picked up my family from the airport.  My mother and sister are going to have to sleep at my aunt's house because theres too much going on here and my mother couldnt take it, but my sister didnt seem to really care as much.  My stress level a whole day has been through the roof and I think I definitely joined the ranks with my parents.  My sister was making little puns trying to keep the mood a bit lighter.  But she brought me a gift and I was so happy to have her here.  She gave me this great hug that I wished lasted longer but I knew she had to leave and get to my aunt's house.  My mother kept looking to me for strength which I made sure to give her all I had.  I wish I could bottle it up and just literally give her all I have right now.  I would. 

I guess you can say that today has been a real test of strength.  My aunt and uncle came here to help while I was getting my family at the airport as well. So I was glad Chris wasn't alone.  It made me a little more at ease in case he had to leave.  My neighbors came in earlier also to help out.  I feel like theres a black cloud hanging over my poor family and it just keeps getting worse.  God should give my mother strength, I think she has worn hers out.  My sister whispered in my ear that my mother was loosing it.  I said that during the weekend I'd help my sister and give  my mother a break.  Maybe I'll rent us a couple of good movies and we can just sit back and relax some.  I could use the break too. 

G'night world.....I'm off to bed now. 

Finally a BREAK!

Yes!  Finally a break.  When we called Sloan Kettering they told us they could not see my sister until September 25th.  Are they NUTS!?!?  By that point she'll be so far gone that we could sue them for neglect!  Well with calling the right people and making sure to get on their heels, she has an appointment for this coming Tuesday at 3pm.  So August 3rd is her first appointment.   I know that they are going to want to keep her for more tests and get her started right away on treatments but this is where it has to begin.

I just spoke to my mother who broke down a bit on the phone with me.  My sister was sleeping after taking the pain medications so my mother figured it was okay to let herself go a little.  She just cried into the phone and said how am I going to be able to do this.  I can't handle this and she was so scared.  I felt so damn helpless on this end and told her that once she is here which will be just a day or two more, I promise her that I will be here to help out and make sure that I do all I can to lift some of the weight off of her an onto myself.  I just hope I can handle what I am about to do.  I think everyone is scared here...

Its quiet here now.  I opened the windows of my house to air everything out and as soon as my stomach stops rumbling around from nerves I'm going to get things started.  I have to give my dog and cat baths again and also clean the house.  It'll take probably most of the day but at least it'll keep me very busy which is something I need.  I think its like therapy.  Cleaning, the gym and anything else that completely exhausts me is therapy.  Classes are like torture.  I just sit there trying to concentrate on whats going on and instead I sit there thinking of ways to help the situation and my mind winds up coming up completely blank.

I just so wish someone could tell me and my family that everything will be alright and that Cindy will be ok.  Something that no one can do.  But a lot of people are praying for her and for that I am thankful.  The more prayers the better, I hope He hears us and helps us.

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The house is now spotless... and its 10pm at night.  Just adding a little extra to this post rather then start another one.  I took the entire day to literally clean the house, take care of the pets and their baths, I even washed my parents blanket and took care of the towels too!  I am utterly exhausted but I feel good.  Like I got so much accomplished and that when they get here tomorrow I'll know that it'll all be worth it. 

I got lots of help as well.  My aunt and uncle were here, mostly for support but they treated me to dinner and helped me pick up a few things that I need to finish things off where Cindy will be sleeping.  Chris helped me clean and is still here now helping as I type (taking a short break).  My friend Erik did some running around for me earlier and picked stuff up from the outside for me and that was a huge help as well.  Well tonight I'll sleep good and tomorrow I'll get to see my sister and give my family a huge hug.  I really missed them all more then I thought I would.

G'night world.

Catching up

Well now you know the beginning.  Its been a couple of weeks since then and I'm still not totally at ease with what is going on.  My sister had blood clots in her legs and they had to have her in a hospital down in Florida where she lives for almost two weeks while they tried to thin out her blood and they wound up putting "shunts" in her legs to prevent the clots from ever moving upwards and doing any damage to her.  We were told she would not be able to fly here to go to Sloan Kettering Hospital which is where she really needs to go because she has lung cancer and she cannot take the compression of an airplane.  When I heard that news I was up the entire night.  I paced around my empty house with my dog following me and my cat sleeping on my bed soundly where I should have been. 

I eventually broke into tears, loudly praying to please help us.  I needed a sign that He was going to help us make her well.  It was 3:00am at this point as I stood in front of a picture of Cindy and just broke down completely.  9:00am, the phone rings, my mother tells me they are releasing my sister and that she is "okay" to fly, she'll be in NY by the end of the week.  I couldn't believe my ears.  It was like I got a prayer answered right then and there. 

I've been trying my best to keep very busy and not break down too much.  I think my friends have NO idea what to say to me.  Some of my friends have really been amazing and some have been absolute nightmares.  Erik is great for words of encouragement.  He doesnt realize just how much he means to me sometimes and the little emails he sends me just to say he is thinking of me and hopes I'm doing ok.  They make me smile.  Meredith... She has had a daughter with cancer who pulled through and is a survivor.  She knows a lot about this disease and has been helping me constantly.  She got Sloan Kettering to contact my mother in Florida and calls me on a constant basis to make sure I'm doing ok on this end.  Craig.  Well theres definitely someone that I will always know I can count on.  Craig bought me a plane ticket and even though I am going to change the date on it, I'm going to just go down there and see him for a weekend.  He bought it so I can see my sister but that changed when we found she was able to come here.  He gets in touch with me every day (He lives in Florida now, used to be NY).  He always tells me how special I am to him and how much I am missed.  He is very comforting when I need to just talk.

I saved the best for last... Christopher.  I have no idea what I would do without Chris in my life right now or ever.  He has been my rock for 10 years and now more then ever and at the same time I dont think he even knows just how much.  His father is also very ill with cancer and he broke down when he first found out.  I of course was the one to make sure I was there for him no matter what the cost.  He has been keeping me sane and trying to help me take care of things around here as well.  I can't ever find a way to repay him with thank you's.  But I hope he knows that he is really dear to me.

I'm nervous about Cindy coming here.  We don't always get along and the last thing she needs is me trying to be there when she doesnt want it.  I hope its not the case and that she and I can get along well.  I'm going to pick her up a big crossword book, since I know her love for them and also a funny pen to use with it.  Maybe I'll grab a deck of Uno cards too to help give something to do aside from stare at a television for hours on end.  I know that can be terribly boring and Cindy was never really a TV person.  She liked it at nights when she lived with my parents but that was really the extent of it.

Please let her get through this, and please give her the strength to fight.  It's going to be a bumpy road.

That day...

July 19th, 2004.... Sitting at a table with a friend and her two children when my phone rang.  Its 9:30am, and my mother is telling me that my sister Cindy has cancer.  She's fighting back tears and I am now desperately trying to do the same.  I rushed us through breakfast and hurried home where my father was.  I needed to be with him. 

When I got home, there he was sitting on a kitchen chair as if the world just stopped.  I felt the same way.  We both were scared, a new kind of scared.  The type where you have no idea how to feel, or how to react.  It felt like the longest day of my life.  I was supposed to go to class that day and somehow I mustered up the strength to do so.  I wasn't really paying attention to a word that professor said and I eventually wound up leaving early. 

This is how our story starts....