Ok so I look horrible in this picture and yep, new years resolution is to loose weight... but to see one of my oldest friends was definitely a treat. This is Marianne. I met her in the eighth grade, and we never lost touch. She moved to Arizona a very long time ago, and this is the first time I got to see her in 15 years. We both cried. My vacation was amazing... anyone who wants pictures, leave me a comment with your email address and I'll shoot ya a link to the online album. When I had to leave on Saturday she hugged me and cried again. We made a promise that it wont be another 15 years before I see her again, and I know she'll hold me to that. Doesnt matter how far away from someone you are, they are always near as long as you carry them in your heart.

Thanks Mair...

For all of those...

For those of you who cannot make it to the cemetary... I put purple flowers and cleaned up Cindy's site as best as I could as well as a little holiday festiveness.  

I stayed a while, and updated her on everything going on.  I know she can hear me even when I am not there.  Its starting to get colder outside... and the holidays are approaching.  I hope everyone... while shopping for their family and friends, remembers to be thankful for what they have and what they have had in their lives.  Always remember to tell the people in your life that you love them.  Its a wonderful thing to be on the receiving end of that.

~me

November 13, 2008

Can you believe that November 13th, 2008 is four years that Cindy is gone. Please take a moment to light a candle and have a moment of silence for her on this day. Remember her smile and her laugh... her wit and her honesty. This time is different for me, I am now the age Cindy was when she passed away... 36. So tomorrow will be the last day she was alive at this age... and I will surpass her after 2:30am tonight.

Please let everyone remember that she would want us to smile and remember her in good times. Please feel free to comment if you read this... I dont get much feedback anymore and I'd love to know that someone is reading this aside from just me.

As someone said to me recently... "smile, there is always someone out there that thinks of you"

She is missed today as much as she was missed the day she left. I hope that Ashley is keeping her company and I hope that she is getting all the kisses and snuggles I desperately miss. Also Thanks to my mom to find cindy's bathrobe, unwashed... on my birthday I got to breathe my Cindy in for a moment and cry... I so missed that.

Bless all that read this... and thank you for your moment of silence tomorrow.

always,
Sherry

Happy Birthday Cin...

Can you believe today you would have been 40 years old? I wish you were here, I think we would have thrown you a surprise party today... it would have been a perfect day for it too. Melissa is nearly 6 years old, she's so smart. I am sure you are so proud of her... if she ever asks me what your greatest accomplishment is, I am going to tell her that it is her. Happy birthday Sis... I love you.

~Sherry

...and time will keep ticking....

I dont know how many people still read this but I still write... *wave* to all that do still read it and I'd love it if comments were left if your still out there?

My grandmother is actually doing a little better. I saw her yesterday and she knew who I was, what was going on around her and she was happy to see me. Other then that... not a whole lot going on.

I am right now the age Cindy was when she was sick, from July - October she was 35 which I am now and then November she was 36 which I will be. She would be 40 this year... There isn't a day that passes that I dont miss her as much as the day she left. I can still see her face smiling at me when I would sit in front of her and rub out her legs from the pain. I just kept reading her eyes... we were never very good at opening up to each other, once in a rare while we did.

But we both knew we loved each other, and that was solid. No matter what.

Hey... remember this, and only this...

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain"

A very long life...

Imagine this... you sit in a chair, watching the sun set down for the very last time, on a beautiful summer day. Every colour of the sky beaming with beauty, you know that it was a work of art. You shut your eyes for the last time... but to everyone else, they see you the next day, but you dont know them, or yourself for that matter.

My Grandmother, Faye, she's 95 years old... and slipping slowly into herself. Two days ago, I know she saw and remembered her last sunset... today, she wont remember that sunset... she grasps to know who anyone is. We're loosing her... 95 years of memories, watching the world change around her, children being born, people leaving this world... and she stayed to see it.

I hope that she gets to see Cindy soon without any pain or suffering. I wish nothing more then that. I will not be selfish and wish her to stay... she's got a path, like the rest of us, and she's on it, we can walk some of it with her, but inevitably, she has to take this path alone...

I'm just going to miss her... but I'm on my path...where I see people born, die, the world changing around me...and someday... well you know the rest.

Peace to all.
Sherry

Melissa's Growing up...

Here are three new pictures that I recently received of Melissa. I hate watching her grow up on paper... sigh...

Dates Remembered.

July 19th, 2004... will always stick out for me. If you go back in my blog you can see why. Cindy was diagnosed with cancer that day. I remember feeling like there was nothing that i could do to make the world stop turning until that moment.

This one is short and sweet... Cindy, almost four years has passed and I'd give ANYTHING to see you, talk to you... anything. You took part of me with you, and someday I'll be whole again.

Your loved and missed.

Always.

So....

Time passes as it does... and this morning I was driving to work thinking back at how when Cindy first passed away I wondered how I would get through an ENTIRE day without tears. I've been doing that now but this morning I didn't. There's still a few choice moments, songs, memories that will pop into my head and I'm back at square one. This morning I was remembering something Cindy had done for me when I was younger, and at first I smiled but then I let out a few tears at the thought that I could never call her again just to tell her things going on. There are things going on.. and even though people tell me "don't worry, she knows", I would love to just hear her reaction to what is going on.

I got a new job... I am in a good place in my life... financially for once I'm not drowning, and I am engaged. Yep, engaged. My parent's aren't thrilled about my choice in a fiance but I love Jeff and this is one of those "my decision" things. I'm nearly 36 years old, and my life is my life... I'm going to do what makes me happy. And he makes me very happy.

Melissa is graduating from Kindergarden in June, to which I am going to TRY to fly down to see. I would love to see her anyway but it's been a very long time since I've seen her.

Hope everyone else is well... feel free to drop me an email to whoever still reads this! LadySunshin3@gmail.com

~Sherry

Bleh

Well looks like I've been "censored". I have been asked to password protect my blog which is not possible so since I cant I've been told I cant show a pretty picture of my niece on my page.

Unbelievable... next call will be "why did you get all pissy and post this!?!!"

Anyways, I guess I'll just post up whatever ELSE I want from now on... as for Melissa Pictures, feel free to email me or call me for them. I'm sure no one will mind if I am emailing a picture to those who NEVER get any... EVER! NO ONE HAS PICTURES OF THIS KID EXCEPT ME AND MY PARENTS!!!!

Thats why it was up here, so others could print it out for themselves. Not like anyone sends us pictures on a regular basis, we're just the NY family she never sees or really knows about... who are we?

Nothing like having a dead sister and no interaction unless we all haul our asses to Florida on a regular basis, like we're all rich and can afford it.

So if you would like a picture of Melissa, feel free to ask me for it and I'll gladly email it to you. Cause I dont need people getting pissy that there's a pic on my blog showing off how pretty and big she's gotten.

~bleh...