Well my sister, mother and father had no problems on the flight coming into NY. As a matter of fact that end went a little TOO smooth which is why MY end went absolutely horrifying!!! I woke up an hour after my alarm went off and was almost late to my doctor appointment. I got there and even driving there and home I wasn't feeling all that great. I got home and thought I would check on my laundry in the basement and when I got down there I literally stepped into two full feet of water. Instant panic attack. I called Chris first flipping out and begging him to come over here. Then I called flood people and then my family at the airport in Florida waiting for a plane.
Lets just say from there its been one HELL of a day. Chris stayed here while I picked up my family from the airport. My mother and sister are going to have to sleep at my aunt's house because theres too much going on here and my mother couldnt take it, but my sister didnt seem to really care as much. My stress level a whole day has been through the roof and I think I definitely joined the ranks with my parents. My sister was making little puns trying to keep the mood a bit lighter. But she brought me a gift and I was so happy to have her here. She gave me this great hug that I wished lasted longer but I knew she had to leave and get to my aunt's house. My mother kept looking to me for strength which I made sure to give her all I had. I wish I could bottle it up and just literally give her all I have right now. I would.
I guess you can say that today has been a real test of strength. My aunt and uncle came here to help while I was getting my family at the airport as well. So I was glad Chris wasn't alone. It made me a little more at ease in case he had to leave. My neighbors came in earlier also to help out. I feel like theres a black cloud hanging over my poor family and it just keeps getting worse. God should give my mother strength, I think she has worn hers out. My sister whispered in my ear that my mother was loosing it. I said that during the weekend I'd help my sister and give my mother a break. Maybe I'll rent us a couple of good movies and we can just sit back and relax some. I could use the break too.
G'night world.....I'm off to bed now.
Thursday, July 29, 2004
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Finally a BREAK!
Yes! Finally a break. When we called Sloan Kettering they told us they could not see my sister until September 25th. Are they NUTS!?!? By that point she'll be so far gone that we could sue them for neglect! Well with calling the right people and making sure to get on their heels, she has an appointment for this coming Tuesday at 3pm. So August 3rd is her first appointment. I know that they are going to want to keep her for more tests and get her started right away on treatments but this is where it has to begin.
I just spoke to my mother who broke down a bit on the phone with me. My sister was sleeping after taking the pain medications so my mother figured it was okay to let herself go a little. She just cried into the phone and said how am I going to be able to do this. I can't handle this and she was so scared. I felt so damn helpless on this end and told her that once she is here which will be just a day or two more, I promise her that I will be here to help out and make sure that I do all I can to lift some of the weight off of her an onto myself. I just hope I can handle what I am about to do. I think everyone is scared here...
Its quiet here now. I opened the windows of my house to air everything out and as soon as my stomach stops rumbling around from nerves I'm going to get things started. I have to give my dog and cat baths again and also clean the house. It'll take probably most of the day but at least it'll keep me very busy which is something I need. I think its like therapy. Cleaning, the gym and anything else that completely exhausts me is therapy. Classes are like torture. I just sit there trying to concentrate on whats going on and instead I sit there thinking of ways to help the situation and my mind winds up coming up completely blank.
I just so wish someone could tell me and my family that everything will be alright and that Cindy will be ok. Something that no one can do. But a lot of people are praying for her and for that I am thankful. The more prayers the better, I hope He hears us and helps us.
___________________________________________________________
The house is now spotless... and its 10pm at night. Just adding a little extra to this post rather then start another one. I took the entire day to literally clean the house, take care of the pets and their baths, I even washed my parents blanket and took care of the towels too! I am utterly exhausted but I feel good. Like I got so much accomplished and that when they get here tomorrow I'll know that it'll all be worth it.
I got lots of help as well. My aunt and uncle were here, mostly for support but they treated me to dinner and helped me pick up a few things that I need to finish things off where Cindy will be sleeping. Chris helped me clean and is still here now helping as I type (taking a short break). My friend Erik did some running around for me earlier and picked stuff up from the outside for me and that was a huge help as well. Well tonight I'll sleep good and tomorrow I'll get to see my sister and give my family a huge hug. I really missed them all more then I thought I would.
G'night world.
I just spoke to my mother who broke down a bit on the phone with me. My sister was sleeping after taking the pain medications so my mother figured it was okay to let herself go a little. She just cried into the phone and said how am I going to be able to do this. I can't handle this and she was so scared. I felt so damn helpless on this end and told her that once she is here which will be just a day or two more, I promise her that I will be here to help out and make sure that I do all I can to lift some of the weight off of her an onto myself. I just hope I can handle what I am about to do. I think everyone is scared here...
Its quiet here now. I opened the windows of my house to air everything out and as soon as my stomach stops rumbling around from nerves I'm going to get things started. I have to give my dog and cat baths again and also clean the house. It'll take probably most of the day but at least it'll keep me very busy which is something I need. I think its like therapy. Cleaning, the gym and anything else that completely exhausts me is therapy. Classes are like torture. I just sit there trying to concentrate on whats going on and instead I sit there thinking of ways to help the situation and my mind winds up coming up completely blank.
I just so wish someone could tell me and my family that everything will be alright and that Cindy will be ok. Something that no one can do. But a lot of people are praying for her and for that I am thankful. The more prayers the better, I hope He hears us and helps us.
___________________________________________________________
The house is now spotless... and its 10pm at night. Just adding a little extra to this post rather then start another one. I took the entire day to literally clean the house, take care of the pets and their baths, I even washed my parents blanket and took care of the towels too! I am utterly exhausted but I feel good. Like I got so much accomplished and that when they get here tomorrow I'll know that it'll all be worth it.
I got lots of help as well. My aunt and uncle were here, mostly for support but they treated me to dinner and helped me pick up a few things that I need to finish things off where Cindy will be sleeping. Chris helped me clean and is still here now helping as I type (taking a short break). My friend Erik did some running around for me earlier and picked stuff up from the outside for me and that was a huge help as well. Well tonight I'll sleep good and tomorrow I'll get to see my sister and give my family a huge hug. I really missed them all more then I thought I would.
G'night world.
Catching up
Well now you know the beginning. Its been a couple of weeks since then and I'm still not totally at ease with what is going on. My sister had blood clots in her legs and they had to have her in a hospital down in Florida where she lives for almost two weeks while they tried to thin out her blood and they wound up putting "shunts" in her legs to prevent the clots from ever moving upwards and doing any damage to her. We were told she would not be able to fly here to go to Sloan Kettering Hospital which is where she really needs to go because she has lung cancer and she cannot take the compression of an airplane. When I heard that news I was up the entire night. I paced around my empty house with my dog following me and my cat sleeping on my bed soundly where I should have been.
I eventually broke into tears, loudly praying to please help us. I needed a sign that He was going to help us make her well. It was 3:00am at this point as I stood in front of a picture of Cindy and just broke down completely. 9:00am, the phone rings, my mother tells me they are releasing my sister and that she is "okay" to fly, she'll be in NY by the end of the week. I couldn't believe my ears. It was like I got a prayer answered right then and there.
I've been trying my best to keep very busy and not break down too much. I think my friends have NO idea what to say to me. Some of my friends have really been amazing and some have been absolute nightmares. Erik is great for words of encouragement. He doesnt realize just how much he means to me sometimes and the little emails he sends me just to say he is thinking of me and hopes I'm doing ok. They make me smile. Meredith... She has had a daughter with cancer who pulled through and is a survivor. She knows a lot about this disease and has been helping me constantly. She got Sloan Kettering to contact my mother in Florida and calls me on a constant basis to make sure I'm doing ok on this end. Craig. Well theres definitely someone that I will always know I can count on. Craig bought me a plane ticket and even though I am going to change the date on it, I'm going to just go down there and see him for a weekend. He bought it so I can see my sister but that changed when we found she was able to come here. He gets in touch with me every day (He lives in Florida now, used to be NY). He always tells me how special I am to him and how much I am missed. He is very comforting when I need to just talk.
I saved the best for last... Christopher. I have no idea what I would do without Chris in my life right now or ever. He has been my rock for 10 years and now more then ever and at the same time I dont think he even knows just how much. His father is also very ill with cancer and he broke down when he first found out. I of course was the one to make sure I was there for him no matter what the cost. He has been keeping me sane and trying to help me take care of things around here as well. I can't ever find a way to repay him with thank you's. But I hope he knows that he is really dear to me.
I'm nervous about Cindy coming here. We don't always get along and the last thing she needs is me trying to be there when she doesnt want it. I hope its not the case and that she and I can get along well. I'm going to pick her up a big crossword book, since I know her love for them and also a funny pen to use with it. Maybe I'll grab a deck of Uno cards too to help give something to do aside from stare at a television for hours on end. I know that can be terribly boring and Cindy was never really a TV person. She liked it at nights when she lived with my parents but that was really the extent of it.
Please let her get through this, and please give her the strength to fight. It's going to be a bumpy road.
I eventually broke into tears, loudly praying to please help us. I needed a sign that He was going to help us make her well. It was 3:00am at this point as I stood in front of a picture of Cindy and just broke down completely. 9:00am, the phone rings, my mother tells me they are releasing my sister and that she is "okay" to fly, she'll be in NY by the end of the week. I couldn't believe my ears. It was like I got a prayer answered right then and there.
I've been trying my best to keep very busy and not break down too much. I think my friends have NO idea what to say to me. Some of my friends have really been amazing and some have been absolute nightmares. Erik is great for words of encouragement. He doesnt realize just how much he means to me sometimes and the little emails he sends me just to say he is thinking of me and hopes I'm doing ok. They make me smile. Meredith... She has had a daughter with cancer who pulled through and is a survivor. She knows a lot about this disease and has been helping me constantly. She got Sloan Kettering to contact my mother in Florida and calls me on a constant basis to make sure I'm doing ok on this end. Craig. Well theres definitely someone that I will always know I can count on. Craig bought me a plane ticket and even though I am going to change the date on it, I'm going to just go down there and see him for a weekend. He bought it so I can see my sister but that changed when we found she was able to come here. He gets in touch with me every day (He lives in Florida now, used to be NY). He always tells me how special I am to him and how much I am missed. He is very comforting when I need to just talk.
I saved the best for last... Christopher. I have no idea what I would do without Chris in my life right now or ever. He has been my rock for 10 years and now more then ever and at the same time I dont think he even knows just how much. His father is also very ill with cancer and he broke down when he first found out. I of course was the one to make sure I was there for him no matter what the cost. He has been keeping me sane and trying to help me take care of things around here as well. I can't ever find a way to repay him with thank you's. But I hope he knows that he is really dear to me.
I'm nervous about Cindy coming here. We don't always get along and the last thing she needs is me trying to be there when she doesnt want it. I hope its not the case and that she and I can get along well. I'm going to pick her up a big crossword book, since I know her love for them and also a funny pen to use with it. Maybe I'll grab a deck of Uno cards too to help give something to do aside from stare at a television for hours on end. I know that can be terribly boring and Cindy was never really a TV person. She liked it at nights when she lived with my parents but that was really the extent of it.
Please let her get through this, and please give her the strength to fight. It's going to be a bumpy road.
That day...
July 19th, 2004.... Sitting at a table with a friend and her two children when my phone rang. Its 9:30am, and my mother is telling me that my sister Cindy has cancer. She's fighting back tears and I am now desperately trying to do the same. I rushed us through breakfast and hurried home where my father was. I needed to be with him.
When I got home, there he was sitting on a kitchen chair as if the world just stopped. I felt the same way. We both were scared, a new kind of scared. The type where you have no idea how to feel, or how to react. It felt like the longest day of my life. I was supposed to go to class that day and somehow I mustered up the strength to do so. I wasn't really paying attention to a word that professor said and I eventually wound up leaving early.
This is how our story starts....
When I got home, there he was sitting on a kitchen chair as if the world just stopped. I felt the same way. We both were scared, a new kind of scared. The type where you have no idea how to feel, or how to react. It felt like the longest day of my life. I was supposed to go to class that day and somehow I mustered up the strength to do so. I wasn't really paying attention to a word that professor said and I eventually wound up leaving early.
This is how our story starts....
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