Silence...

Today is three years... three years that Cindy left us and there isn't a day that goes by that I am not reminded of her or miss her. I woke up at 2:29am this morning, which is when I got the phone call three years ago from my mother. She simply said "She's gone", and my world changed.

I woke up this morning, took a look around my dark room, quietly sat up and just sat there. Eventually I fell back to sleep but for that brief moment, Cindy woke me and it was ok. Its more then just missing here, its that everything is so very different then it should be. There are so many things that got affected with her death and I know I cannot control them, and I know I can't change them... so I'll just keep a quiet little thought..

"You're missed in more ways then one, and by so many people."

Always in my heart, thoughts and tongue....

Your sister,
Sherry

As days go by...

Your birthday just passed (October 10th), you would have been 39 years old... I'm sorry I didn't post on that day, I just had such a horrible day. You were on my mind even more then normal and then to top it all off, there are other things going on that I am sure you already know about, and would be only too happy to slap the hell out of those that are aggravating me right now.

But on a lighter note, the weather was beautiful on your birthday and I made a wish for you. I know your always there... and I know that this year's birthday gift was Ashley. I hope she has been a good little snuggler for you with lots and lots of kisses. I miss the sandpaper kisses so much.

I love you Cindy...

2007

Pictures are great... Heres a new one of Melissa... I can't believe how big she has gotten and how much she looks like Cindy...

Signs...

Isn't it funny how signs work? After Ashley died I had this horrible sense of loss... like someone came to me and ripped my heart out... I had already lost Cindy and now the one thing that we used to argue over, "who owned Ashley"...when in all actuality NO ONE owned her...she was her own little free spirit... she's gone. Something that I didn't write until now... but a few days after Ashley's passing, I was driving home from work and I was just feeling so empty and there it was... my sign from Cindy!

Next to me were two big trucks... the first one said EGL on the side (and for anyone that knew Cindy, she worked for that company for a very long time in NJ), the second in HUGE gold letters said ASHLEY furniture... I just laughed and said "ok i got the point Cin!!" ... thank you Cindy... you got the Ashley-kitty safe and sound. Take good care of her until I see both of you again...

And Cindy...give Bonnie a sign? I think she's needing them more then me right now. I wish I could be there for her but I can't... she doesn't allow it. I got caught in the crossfire of a problem between her and my mother and it left me in not only a horrible spot with both of them yelling at me at different intervals but I lost someone in the process. **Hey Bonnie... I saw you and jackie in Coscto a few months back... She got so big and she's gorgeous... and you looked good too.**

Have a good day all...

~Sherry

Rainbow Bridge

This is the poem that came with Ashley's ashes today...


Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

And to the heavens again....

On Tuesday, May 29, 2007 at 3am Ashley finally left me. She was 19 and 1/2 years old and had a very long loving life here with me and Cindy. I stayed with her till she took her last breath and told her she was very loved and that she was going to be with Cindy very soon and to give her big hugs and kisses the way she did with me.




Always in my heart... and the hearts of all that knew her... February 1988 - May 29, 2007.

As the ashes fall...

Sometimes I feel like this is one of the last places that I can go and write without prying eyes seeing. There are such "hot spots" in this world right now and it seems that most of the population is showing signs of wear. There is no where to go, nothing new to do or see... just violence and sadness going around. Even Mother Nature and Father Time are not on our side at this point. The heavens weep for us, the skies open up and just devour us whole.

When does this hatred stop? Where does it feed from and how can it be doused? To keep up with it is impossible. There are some who have tried and failed, and some that ride its coat tails until they themselves are consumed by it. As I sit here, early this Tuesday morning I wonder if maybe there isn't a way to make people calm over the land. If maybe in all actuality all there will ever be is feuding between man, man and the land, man and the animals... you see animals kept the rare form... "circle of life". They kill just to survive. To feed and to keep balance. Man... we kill our own kind, we show no compassion, no love and definitely no mercy towards one another. Pass homeless on the street, it matters not how they arrived there... but there they are nonetheless. No one stops for a moment to look in their eyes and see the depression they suffer.

There are the few out there that feel that the world needs saving and try to take it on.. either one by one or as a whole. I guess I was trying one by one. I always was the optimistic one to my friends and family... the ones that I loved. I guess that honestly even they share in the worlds hatred in some fashion. No one is free of it, not even me.

I guess its best to return to basics... Allow the world to destroy itself and just try to take care of the few things in it I care about. No other methods are working and the world keeps hurting more and more... I wonder if they are ungrateful. If they dont even see what is right in front of them... how there is someone who cares and loves... But then again, why would they want to do that? If they care even a little they have to care about all of it, and that would send someone absolutely mad.

Sleep little cows... there will be another sunny day somewhere....

S.

Ashley Wednesday

Well today marks Ashley's 19th birthday... She was given to me as this tiny little cotton ball on Ash Wednesday 19 years ago today. I am just thankful that she is here to see it. I took this picture a few days before I moved into my new apartment. She was worried that everything seemed to be moving around her... but she adapted perfectly to her new home. She hasn't really complained at all about it.

I switched her food to something a little more "kidney" friendly since that's whats really wrong right now with her. She has one kidney failed and the other is failing. She also is only really seeing out of one eye. My poor little Ashley-cat... She gets LOTS of love, all the water she wants and food whenever she asks for it. And come the day she suffers, is the day I send her to Cindy, who will be waiting with open arms and lots of love.

Always,

~Sherry

Been a while...

Sorry for the gaps in blogs. Life is keeping me just so busy lately. I moved to New Jersey into an apartment and it's been good so far. I finally have a pretty much working apartment and now I just want to get some pretty things for the walls and such. Other then that I have everything I really need right now.

Ok, so here's my news for right now. Everyone who knows me knows that I have lots of trouble with my neck. Well its getting worse. I'm going to a neurologist next week in the hopes that they can help me. All I have to say is that when something starts to effect your normal everyday life, you have to give it attention. I'm starting to notice more and more things that I have changed to keep myself out of pain. Now its effecting my work, thats really not good.

Melissa is doing great. She talked to me on the phone last night and she speaks so well! She asked when I will see her, and if I am bringing grandma and grandpa with me when I see her. Then tells me she has two grandmas! She learned how to use scissors and chopped off a bunch of her hair... so its rather short. I'll scan a picture and get it up soon of her.

Parents are doing pretty good and Casi and Ashley are alright. Ashley is now officially 19 years old! Now thats an old kitty!! She doesnt see as well as she used to and she has her "senior moments" like this morning where she got ill after eating, but its alright. She is working off of one kidney and that one isnt doing so great. We just keep her happy and comfortable and when the time comes, Cindy will be on the other side greeting her with open arms. Everyone knew Cindy and my love for that cat. Soon she'll have her, but until then, she's going to be here.

I wish I had something witty or philosophical to say here...but I dont right now. The pain in my shoulders is starting to really return hard from the last pain killer I took and I guess that means its time for another one. For now... I guess that's all I have to say.

~Me.